So it's been forever since I've even visited this blog, much less posted anything. Life has been tough lately, with best friends and family members going through some pretty heavy stuff, both emotionally and physically, including myself.
When things are hard for me I have a habit of retreating inward and keeping things to myself. I'm an incredibly private person and don't have many people in my life that I trust to share the things that life deals out, those things that can make or break a person... The few select people that I do trust are those that are completely and unconditionally accepting of this, and I'm lucky enough to have people that totally get it as my support system.
Since coming here and posting last, my husband and I have decided to seek a divorce. I won't go into the gory details or air my dirty laundry here, but believe me when I say that we gave it our all and it took 14 long years of struggle to finally realize that there is no other way to go with this. It's probably something we should have done many years ago, but we just couldn't give up the fight until now.
The sadness is very much just beneath the surface for the both of us, we know that there will be those moments when it comes flooding out and washes over us like a tidal wave. but for now we are holding our own and keeping it together, probably more for each other's sake than our own. Neither of us wants to leave this union bitter and hateful toward the other.
We will miss each other terribly, and will someday down the road wonder if it wasn't the biggest mistake of our lives. I already wonder...
We hear over and over from everyone we know that they are not shocked at our decision to separate and that they are only surprised that we hung on this long to what at times seemed like a sinking ship.
So we each retreat to our own corners of the ring, taking off the gloves and with them the rings. Someday I hope that we can look back on our time together with fondness as opposed to anything else. I loved him from the beginning to the end and it is most certainly not for lack of effort that we decide to go our separate ways.
I will continue to blog here, but things may take on a different tone as I chronical this next journey in my life. I'm scared out of my wits at what the future holds in store for me, but I also know that I have a strength in me that surpasses all else when it is called upon to surface.
I hope that you will all remain with me as I travel down this road of uncertainty, but I will understand if I lose some of you because of ideas or beliefs about divorce, or whatever the case may be. I don't judge others for anything that they do, nor do I take it personal.

So without further adieu, here is something I've written to start this journey off in a positive direction...

I am ready

As with the sky on a late Autumn day, a veil of darkness shrouds my heart with melancholy emotion. Starting over at mid-life, stepping out of and away from the life I have come to know as mine. Not the life I have dreamed of, but certainly the one that I have settled into and made the best of.
The road to this point, oh it's been a long one... Some miles seamless and smooth, with many more rough and rocky. The latter making it close to impossible to drive on, but drive on I did and will continue to do.
What does the future hold for me? Will I make it there in one piece, someday finding true happiness within myself, once again?
As I sit behind the wheel at the crossroads, confused as to which way to go, I wonder which direction will lead me safely to a place called home... This decision is mine and mine alone, for the very first time in my life. No external forces to influence this choice that I am faced with.
I turn the key and place the gear shift into drive, removing my foot from the brake and placing it cautiously onto the accelerator. And suddenly, the veil lifts and I feel that old familiar sense of fearlessness and confidence take it's place.
Easing slowly down the road at last, I am ready...

Tiffany Cross 11/14/09


I am truly sorry to hear of your divorce. Please know that I am praying for you both.

But remember that you will find that "place called home" in the arms of your Savior who loves you no matter.

Hugs honey, I am here for you, been going through the same thing, and always here to talk xx

there are days I would love to catch a ride with you, you are an amazing person so take hold of the wheel and drive just look out for speed bumps and pot holes and you will be alright and if you see me on the side with my thumb up pick me up I still want to see Fredricksburg!

Sweet, sweet Tiff...I love you girl!!! And while I can't totally understand exactly what you are going through...the starting over later in life is definately something I can relate too and have just gotten a bit of a head start on you on that. Life does go on....even when you are amazed that it does. People around you will amaze you with their support and love....others will let you down and just step away. But that is ok, because though this you find the true gems in your life and know on whom you can depend.
Please remember that you are loved by many around you....and you are in my prayers!!!! I am here if you need to talk to someone a little further down the road....but I will tell you that there are new roads, beautiful hilltops and stormy valleys ahead....but whatever is going on around....remember you are loved.

I want you to know that I am ready to walk by your side every single step of the way!!!!

I give you a hug and I grab your hand......Let's go!!

Love you

Sorry to hear that you've been going thru such an emotionally upheaving time, but from your "I'm Ready" part, it appears that you've got the confidence in yourself to make the trip. I'll be prayin for you along the way.


You won't find any judgment here sweet Tiffany! Just lots of love and prayers to help you through. Thanks for sharing. I've been worried about you in your absence from blogging. Retreating inward is sometimes the best choice when faced with trials...this is the road that I most often choose as well :)

I am praying for happiness for you and Chad. You are special people!

Just found you and am really sorry to hear of the divorce but I trust you've both given it lots of thought and are making the right decision for yourselves.
Keep your head up and get professional advice if you need it. Take care.

Tiffany - I am so sorry to hear about your split. I can't imagine anything harder, but I know that time eases the pain and erases the rough edges.

My prayers are with you as you start your next journey. May the road be straight and smooth with a minimum of detours.

Your words are so beautiful and melancholy, I don't quite know what to say other than I'm sorry. You seem to be facing a very difficult time with such bravery.


Tiffany - I'm just reading this and it's sad, but so beautifully written and would certainly touch many people who are walking in your path, or have walked before you. I hope things are going better ... the year ended with a crash for me, but I'm so hopeful for 2010. Hugs and love and sprinkles of joy being thrown your way!

So sorry you're going through this Tiffany but it sounds as if you've got a handle on the situation and will be moving forward. That's really the only thing one can do.

I'm sorry. I hope things are happier soon.

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Horseshoe Bay, TX, United States
Just a simple Southern girl looking for a place called home...

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