So it's been forever since I've even visited this blog, much less posted anything. Life has been tough lately, with best friends and family members going through some pretty heavy stuff, both emotionally and physically, including myself.
When things are hard for me I have a habit of retreating inward and keeping things to myself. I'm an incredibly private person and don't have many people in my life that I trust to share the things that life deals out, those things that can make or break a person... The few select people that I do trust are those that are completely and unconditionally accepting of this, and I'm lucky enough to have people that totally get it as my support system.
Since coming here and posting last, my husband and I have decided to seek a divorce. I won't go into the gory details or air my dirty laundry here, but believe me when I say that we gave it our all and it took 14 long years of struggle to finally realize that there is no other way to go with this. It's probably something we should have done many years ago, but we just couldn't give up the fight until now.
The sadness is very much just beneath the surface for the both of us, we know that there will be those moments when it comes flooding out and washes over us like a tidal wave. but for now we are holding our own and keeping it together, probably more for each other's sake than our own. Neither of us wants to leave this union bitter and hateful toward the other.
We will miss each other terribly, and will someday down the road wonder if it wasn't the biggest mistake of our lives. I already wonder...
We hear over and over from everyone we know that they are not shocked at our decision to separate and that they are only surprised that we hung on this long to what at times seemed like a sinking ship.
So we each retreat to our own corners of the ring, taking off the gloves and with them the rings. Someday I hope that we can look back on our time together with fondness as opposed to anything else. I loved him from the beginning to the end and it is most certainly not for lack of effort that we decide to go our separate ways.
I will continue to blog here, but things may take on a different tone as I chronical this next journey in my life. I'm scared out of my wits at what the future holds in store for me, but I also know that I have a strength in me that surpasses all else when it is called upon to surface.
I hope that you will all remain with me as I travel down this road of uncertainty, but I will understand if I lose some of you because of ideas or beliefs about divorce, or whatever the case may be. I don't judge others for anything that they do, nor do I take it personal.

So without further adieu, here is something I've written to start this journey off in a positive direction...

I am ready

As with the sky on a late Autumn day, a veil of darkness shrouds my heart with melancholy emotion. Starting over at mid-life, stepping out of and away from the life I have come to know as mine. Not the life I have dreamed of, but certainly the one that I have settled into and made the best of.
The road to this point, oh it's been a long one... Some miles seamless and smooth, with many more rough and rocky. The latter making it close to impossible to drive on, but drive on I did and will continue to do.
What does the future hold for me? Will I make it there in one piece, someday finding true happiness within myself, once again?
As I sit behind the wheel at the crossroads, confused as to which way to go, I wonder which direction will lead me safely to a place called home... This decision is mine and mine alone, for the very first time in my life. No external forces to influence this choice that I am faced with.
I turn the key and place the gear shift into drive, removing my foot from the brake and placing it cautiously onto the accelerator. And suddenly, the veil lifts and I feel that old familiar sense of fearlessness and confidence take it's place.
Easing slowly down the road at last, I am ready...

Tiffany Cross 11/14/09

... But it is what's been goin' on around here....
My best friend is in the hospital with a few complications, so I figure I'd better do something to keep my mind occupied. Jess, if you happen to read this while you're chillin' in that sterile room, you know I love ya Girlfriend! Hurry up and get better so we can have our weekend morning coffee together, I miss you!

First pick of the season, Blackberries straight off the bush!

Fine feathered friends who come to visit.

Reminiscing about Horton Hears a Who lol

Birthday parties ending in just a tad bit of drama *sigh*...

Awesome packages from faraway friends!!!
Thank you thank you thank you Steve and Jan!

Yummy dinners made by hubby on busy nights.

Naughty dogs who have no shame...

Feeling just a little proud of myself for finally getting this shot. It took me a LONG time to finally catch this and entailed finding a place to park and running half way on to a busy on-ramp during morning rush hour traffic, but I finally did it! LOL

Wow, I've fallen so far behind. Right when I say I'm going to start posting more, I pretty much fall off the face of the earth! Ever feel so overwhelmed with things that need to be done that you just shut down and don't do anything at all? That's pretty much how I've been for the last two weeks....
I'm starting in my new position at work tomorrow, preparing for a big trip back home in September, then there's my Mom and step-dad's visit in November, I have a million things to do around this messy house.... well, you all know the story, I'm sure you've been there a time or two lol
So anyway, I'm not going to attempt to catch up on Project 365, just going to post several pics that I took yesterday that all have something to do with this past week, and then I'm going to start fresh with taking a picture a day. Was doing so good with that, but you know what happens when you skip a day... one day turns into two weeks!
So without further Adieu....

Handed in the keys to my old desk and office, this was all that was left to take home after 7 years. Tomorrow starts a whole new adventure!

Lots of berries will be ripe for the picking soon!

Have you had these? They are to die for! I haven't seen them in too many stores, so when I do I grab a few! lol

One of those million projects that we need to get done around here...

Pretty in pink

One white flower...

Breathing some new life into this place.

Picked up some new plants for the front of the house, can't wait to get them in the ground!

Wandered around taking pictures of different textures that interest me in the back yard. These are our old Bilco doors, you can see how much we go down to the basement with the plants cropping up all over. lol

Old boards on the patio railing that need to be replaced.

View from the back porch into the mudroom. This window is so old I'm afraid to open it!

This has been my dinner more times than I'd like to admit lately, seems like it's about all I have the energy to make sometimes!

Been thinking about what I'd like to do with this old wicker book case. Thinking I might paint it black and put it in my office/craft room once I get that room cleaned up and organized. What do you think, would you leave it this natural color or paint it?

Tuesday - the view through my front door.

Going to try and post much more often than I have been. It's such good therapy, free therapy at that. And it connects me with other people, whether they be like minded or bringing something new to the table of my life!
Yesterday ended up going pretty well, it was the best, most peaceful day that I've had at work in a long time. It meant so much to be reading everyone's comments throughout the day when I took a break here and there, thank you all!
After work I dove head first into a little retail therapy (there's that word again lol). I'm not usually a shopper, crowds kind of freak me out, and I HATE trying clothes on, especially in fitting rooms with bright lights and big mirrors. Reminds me of things I'd rather forget, like pudge and circumstance lol Anyway, found some great clothes and stayed within the budget that I'd set for myself for new office clothes, thank God for stores like Ross! Can't look frumpy when I start that new position in 2 weeks, now can I? Got home and showed Chad all of my new goodies and when I put on the new shoes, which are really sexy by the way, he asked me if I would like to play naughty secretary, haha, I think he likes them.
Got home and there was an envelope in the mail from my best friend in Missouri, which included a picture of her grandson, the absolute cutest baby on the planet! Thanks BFF, you know it made my day!

Got some crocheting done while watching Anthony Bourdaine - No Reservations. Netflix is grand my friends, just grand, love that you can watch things instantly on the computer, things that we used to watch when we had cable. Chad said the squares remind him of mint chocolate chip ice cream, and he's right, although you can't tell from this picture. I should be working on my daughter's afghan, the one I've been promising and working on for a couple years now, but it's so large and has to be laid out, something I definitely don't want to do here in the living room where the dogs hang out. Nicole, if you're reading this, I promise I WILL get that done for you SOON!

Well, I hope you all have a great day.
Find some way to make yourself happy today!

The past year has been a tough one for me in every way possible, certainly not the most difficult I've ever been through (by far), but none-the-less...

Much of it has to do with my job, which I find almost unbearable these days. My stress level has reached it's limit and has officially broken through the glass ceiling, so to speak. Yes, I know I'm one of the fortunate ones to even have a job right now, and I am very thankful that it involves a steady paycheck, as small as that paycheck is. Does it make it any easier to deal with? No.

My faith has been shaken and my heart and mind filled with unanswered questions. No, I haven't turned my back on God, that will never happen in my lifetime, but I still have those questions and they still go unanswered and I struggle with this every single minute of every day.

My anxiety has altered everything about me, and affected everything and everyone around me. Having tried everything from self talk to mindful relaxation to medications during my 43 years on this earth, I have come to realize that it is what it is and I must give up on it ever being "fixed" and just deal with it the way it is. Having spent so much time and energy on trying to
make it go away, it will be nice to just relax and face the music, if that makes any sense?

I don't really know why I'm writing all of this, except maybe to have it documented somewhere that I've reached some sort of turning point and know that I must move forward, in a different way than ever before. Instead of focusing on every single thing that is wrong with myself or my situation, I need to take that energy and focus it on what is good and right and positive...

I know full well that I have been blessed beyond belief in this life, being once lost and wandering aimlessly, riddled with more horrible afflictions than any one person should have to deal with in one short life (of course much of it all being self-afflicted). I have been given
endless second chances, even when I took them for granted. But if you have ever dealt with depression or anxiety, whether it be that you have it or if it is a friend or family member, you know that seeing the bright side isn't even a visible option sometimes.
Being "stuck" isn't intentional, but it is something that can be dealt with and managed with more grace than I have ever even attempted...

So on this day, I will give it my best shot to go forth in a much more positive manner. I may not always shine like the sun, but I can at least twinkle like a distant star.

I hope that you all have a wonderful week, you may now return to your regularly scheduled program.

Wow, hard to believe this will be the last Project 365 posting for July of this year. I'm with Sara, where did summer go? Didn't even get a chance to fully enjoy the warmer weather and now the leaves are starting to change already!

Monday: Our cat Luto, aka: the Wanderer
Brings to mind the quote "All who wander are not lost"
He loves to go back and forth between our house and the corner lol

This basketball hoop has become one of my favorite subjects to photograph. I bet someone had a lot of fun with it in years past.

Wednesday: What the heck is going on with Mother Nature? All of the leaves are starting to change color and it's only JULY!

Thursday: Ummm... I think it's time to clean the rain gutters when there's a tree growing out of them.

Friday: This day started out really horrible. I won't go into the details but am happy that it ended on a lighter note. That evening we made our way out to Becky's Drive-In for a double feature of Ice Age and Transformers, but only made it through Ice Age and decided to go home because we were getting sleepy LOL
As you can see, my favorite part of the whole experience is once again food related...

Saturday: Finally making some progress on the kitchen floor. I'm not so sure about the black and white, it will take some getting used to before I don't feel like I'm in the tunnel ride on Willy Wonka. But it matches the black cabinets perfectly and the husband loves it, so I'm willing to give it a try, not to mention the fact that the old floor was beyond disgusting, so just about anything is an improvement!

Sunday: My love affair with yarn, definitely not normal, in fact some might say it hinges on insanity.

What a fantastic giveaway over at The Farm Chicks! Run on over and enter, you might win some great goodies.

Good luck everyone!

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About Me

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Horseshoe Bay, TX, United States
Just a simple Southern girl looking for a place called home...

Pretty please...

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